am i Asexual?

How do I know if I’m asexual? It is often discovered by chance. Asexuality is not a recognized orientation these days. We prefer to say stuck, helpless, frigid.

You know , asexuality does not prevent you from being very comfortable in your skin, nor from blossoming.

This is how I became asexual:

For my part, I discovered quite late that I am asexual. More precisely, hypo-sexual, and not no-sex.

Important note: I have not become asexual. I recognized myself as such.

I discovered it late, and mostly by chance. Thanks to the others too.
And for a good reason: there is little talk about it. You are also quickly stuck with the label that is frigid, impotent, stuck.

How do I know if I’m asexual?

Here is my background, if it can help you discover that you are A.


The orientation taken by our society since the sexual liberation of the 70s, develops a frenzied tendency of the media, advertisers and directors (series, films, reality TV) to put sex everywhere.

As a result, everyone has embarked on the race for hyper-sexuality: to be good is to practice often, to be efficient, and to multiple practices and style exercises, encounters without tomorrow just for the act, adulteries.

So much so that today we need sex toys when desire slows down (a natural phenomenon).


When I was young, I was quite attracted to boys. Like my girlfriends, I was wondering what it was like.
I had impulses, but I didn’t want to throw myself into trials with the first person who came along (I choose the expression).
I wanted to feel something that spoke to the soul. I couldn’t bear the physical contact from someone for whom I didn’t feel emotion and attraction on the emotional level.


The liberation from sex that accompanied the hippie movements, I was right in the middle of it.

Get out of childhood and hear about sex as a condition for development: no pressure, noooon…. What if I can’t? What would I be, abnormal?

When I was a teenager, I wanted to hug, kiss, be held by the hand, hear and say I love you. But to get that, society began to demand that we go further. Always further away!

As if you were told, “Do you want to eat cake? First eat raw and unwashed guts”. Even if you haven’t tasted it, you don’t necessarily want to eat it.

From sex to everything goes… to anxiety all the time

So from then on, I didn’t stop worrying because I didn’t like the more advanced physical contact.

While caresses and tenderness put me on a cloud.

So, from my first love, which I loved, and following, with the love of my life, and then the others, well, it was yuck and scary, legs in the air.

I have sometimes wanted it, even very much, with naughty impulses…. But most of the time, I didn’t want to: I had to go. I’ve lived with this pressure for years, and years. As a result, I don’t get involved in my relationships or start a family, for fear of being dumped because of “frigidity”.

Without knowing that there were so many others, “like me”. Men, or women….


Yet, strangely enough, I was observing or hearing things. Signs that told me that women, and men too, all around me, didn’t necessarily want everything to be sex, all the time and everywhere. That sex was good but not all the time.

These men who don’t like sex, too.

I began by assuming that the number of frigid women was very large and that many were simulating. A lot of chicks around me were saying things that said a lot.

Question: I’m not that abnormal after all, since we’re full of girls like that?
Deduction: what if I were just a normal person who has the right not to like sex?

And then one day, I met a man who said: “Sex annoys me, I don’t like it”. Light!!!!!!!
But then, being rejected by sex can be as simple as that? And above all, it’s not just for girls? Thank you life for this meeting.

From there I began to question this dictatorship of the “liberated” sex that keeps so many men and women in prison.

I looked for explanations about frigidity (I’m a woman, don’t forget). There, the Internet worked its miracle: the word “asexuality” crossed paths with the word “frigidity”.
The way back to my well-being and fulfillment was reopened: I finally knew what I had. I was asexual, hypo-sexual. I was – I’m sorry – I’m A- very normal….


We almost forgot that before this hyper-sexualized society, it was not at all, but then not at all like that.

Today’s orientations were not in the social norm accepted until recently. It was in the 1950s that we began to democratize sex, and to seek to define sexual trends and orientations.

Today, the trend has been completely reversed.
It’s a detail I had totally forgotten. But it is important: it rots the lives of all men and women who are not attracted to physical relationships.


If for many years I may have thought I was a “stuck”, a few passages in my life remind me that I wasn’t. They even made my neighbors smile from above, and I hadn’t faked anything at all (anyway I don’t faked it: it’s lies and manipulation).

Thanks to my encounters and what I observed, I simply admitted, without asking myself any more questions, that sex was more my thing. As stupid as that.

From time to time I don’t say, but really from time to time.
The difficulty so far is that even if I lived it well, I thought I was a special case.


while seeking love and living together with a woman, challenged me. What if there is something else in the way a couple lives together? What if there were finally more of us feeling that way?

That’s when I heard about asexuality, discovered that there were asexual communities all over the world.

If I haven’t yet come out with my loved ones, now I know who I am, and who I’m looking for: an asexual man like me, tender, romantic, and reliable.

I found a dating site dedicated to women and men who want to start a couple, even a family, despite their asexuality. I hope it will provide opportunities to create an asexual couple for many other men and women.

2014 is the year of the asexual revolution.

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