What is Asexuality?
I discovered the concept of asexuality less than three years ago, while hanging out on the Internet. Before that, I was well aware that there were people who were more “sexual” than others, but I hadn’t looked any further.
Asexuality defined by Asexual:
According to a 2004 study by CNN, there are 1% asexual in the world.
I wanted to ask three friends of mine who define themselves as asexual (I consider
Some of these questions are naive, but it takes a start! The three people are not ambassadors, but simply witnesses to the different nuances of asexuality.
Here is the things Asexual People Want You To Know:
Asexual: what definition?
For John, asexuality is a term that includes both people who do not feel sexual attraction at all and those who think of sex very little or under certain particular conditions.
“In fact, it’s as if asexuality is defined by not loving any cake.
Some asexuals will still like some very specific cakes, or they will only eat a cake once every 36 days of the month…”
Emma,is a good example. She claims to be asexual, yet she does have sex sometimes.
“For me, being asexual means not having desire. I can have fun, but I only very, very rarely have this “hunger” for the other, this desire to engage in a sexual act.
I would say that the number of times I have desire should be around once a quarter, and it’s even rarer that I satisfy it! »
In comparison, Mason, a friend, tells me that he is disgusted by the very idea of sex.
None of them are right or wrong. In fact, you simply have to look at asexuality as a spectrum with different degrees.
Does an asexual person masturbate?
Surprisingly enough, the three witnesses told me they were masturbating: the lack of sexual attraction does not affect their desire to touch themselves.
Emma explains to me that it has nothing to do with sex for her.
“Masturbation is for me, by me. It starts when I want, it stops when I want, I only pay attention to my own desire.
I finally have a pretty selfish sex life: I prefer it when everything is done the way I want!
I rarely have the motivation to sleep with someone because of that. For me, it is challenging to seduce the other, to make it last, to make sure that my facial expressions and my body are attractive.”
Does an asexual person never have sex?
Mason has never had sex and doesn’t think she will ever have sex. He doesn’t feel the
According to John, an asexual person can fully have sex without feeling attracted.
It may be to please her partner or just because she wants to.
When she was younger, Emma was raped. To overcome her trauma, she decided to continue to practice sex.
“I don’t have a desire but my goal is to be free from my sexuality, to be able to have sex, to be able to make love to my partner from time to time.
Sometimes I want to have sex with him to please him, because… it makes me happy to please him! I want to be able to have sex on the very few times I want to.”
Finally, we must not forget the case of asexual people who, unfortunately, practiced sex almost out of obligation, because they thought this was the way to be “normal”.
How do I know if I’m asexual?
When you hear about sex everywhere, and often in an obvious way, it is not always easy to realize your asexuality. Mason discovered this term while surfing the Internet. John too:
“There are some very well-made articles with lists like “You are asexual if…” and I realized when I read them that I could check almost all the items.
It explained so well my confusion of the last few years….
Before that, I didn’t know it was possible not to feel sexual attraction, so I wasted a lot of time trying to convince myself that I was feeling it. »
How does it feel to be asexual in a very sexual society?
Mason is 20 years old and a lot of discussions among his friends revolve around sex.
He always feels uncomfortable at these times, everything for them is normal. On top of that, he can’t imagine confessing his asexuality to some of his relatives.
“They are simply not able to accept life without sex.
They’d also see it as a weakness on my part. Come on, a man who doesn’t think about sex isn’t normal, is it? ”
Emma says she doesn’t care much about it from day to day. On the other hand, she knows that some words that are from relatives have made her suffer.
“These are thoughts that pushed me to stay with my ex while I was suffering.
I was told that I had to force myself if I loved him, that the appetite comes with eating, that if I didn’t want to have sex with him, it’s because I didn’t love him…
Not to mention the people who complained to him, saying it must be horrible for him to be frustrated.
All these little sentences made me believe that the lack of libido was something that didn’t exist. If I was in love, I MUST want to have sex. »
Can we be asexual, then change and become more “sexual”?
Emmy doesn’t think she’ll ever become more “sexual”. On the other hand, she believes it is possible that some asexual people may become so, and vice versa.
“I think there are very few things that can’t change in our lives, no matter what the subject, and sexuality is one of them.
Good on one level, it means that our future is unpredictable, and it’s more fun that way!”
John agrees and adds:
“As long as no one tries to “fix” us or “heal” us (we’re not sick or broken), we don’t care much, do we? »
What happens when an asexual person enters into a relationship with a sexual person?
When he was younger, Mason dated a girl to whom he announced his lack of desire. Although she seemed a little surprised and disappointed, she first told him that she accepted the situation.
“Except that as time went by, I felt more and more entrepreneurial. She wanted to go further, and I became more and more uncomfortable. So we stopped there, it’s hard, but better this way.
Since then, I have decided that I no longer want to be in a relationship with a sexual person. This way, I avoid creating frustration or guilt on my side or the other…
That said, the task is not easy because a person’s asexuality is rarely seen on their face! ”
Emmy has been in a relationship for four years. One thing is sure for her: we must warn the other as soon as possible so that he or she does not feel trapped by his or her feelings in a relationship.
“Honestly, dating someone who would like to have sex several times a week while you have sex twice a year is very complicated.
We had to talk a lot, try to understand each other, explain how we work, reassure each other, make compromises, put rules in place.
And it is sometimes
To compensate for this, she offered him an open relationship.
“I can’t help my partner to be fulfilled in bed, so I don’t want to stop him from living his libido elsewhere.
It’s something that doesn’t bother me because sex is not important to me. ”
Making asexuality known is necessary
If it seemed so important to me to write this article today, it is because I still want to remind you that there is no norm in sexuality.
As Emmy rightly reminds me, contrary to popular belief, asexual people are not necessarily broken or traumatized.
“Yes, some are asexual because of a difficult sexual experience that has shaped or transformed their sexuality, but others are simply not interested in sex. There’s no hidden trauma behind it. »
In any case, asexual people are not unhappy. It’s not a problem, not a disease, it’s just what they are!
Asexuality: Definition & Meaning:
Moreover, the absence of emotions is not an issue either; asexuality does not prevent people from falling in love, from having emotional needs. Most asexuals have a neutral relationship with sexuality. it is merely part of the diversity of sexualities.
How is asexuality explained?
On the medical level, asexuality cannot be explained and that is precisely what the asexual movement blames doctors for: absolutely wanting to find a pathological explanation for it, without success so far.
Why do you want to have asexuality recognized?
Communicating about asexuality would reassure all those who have not yet put words to what they are going through, those who feel they are not in the same mold as everyone else, those who suffer from it.